2006

Shock latecoming hit album of the year:
Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

Also dig/dug
The Isles
The Changes
Beirut

teardrops on fire

Now THIS is a music blog.

Spinning Belinda

You were right to doubt my now-decade-long obsession with Prefab Sprout. Look here for yourself. Prefab Sprout fucking rules.

Prefab Sprout - The Golden Calf

Songs I Never Get Tired Of, Part Two

Icicle Works - Cauldron of Love

fukuoka

747s
Zampano
Rockin melodic rock action but the singer, yeesh, goes for a strangely late 70s Nick Lowe, Dave Edmunds kind of 'my baby did this, my baby did that' tack. Which. "Missed that Sun" is uptempo and multifaceted. So, an improvement. But the singing is still kind of sideburnsy. Like, the stuff that was on Top of the Pops in 1976/77 just as punk was kicking off.

AA SOUND SYSTEM
Laissez-Faire
"I Don't Get You at All" is like Tom Petty meets Fleetwood Mac. "Laissez-Faire" goes for a synthy post-Madonna glitchy folktronic angle. Not bad.

COLOURFAST
Walk
Trendy early 1980s guitar band action, you know the sort. Sons of sons of sons of Interpol. Which is fine by me, really.

EDENBRIDGE
The Grand Design
Queen meets Mercyful Fate and Ace of Base. And John Tesh. Roxette meets Dream Theater.

ELECTRIC SIX
Switzerland
The singer has been studying at the Tom Waits school of vocal gymnastics. The music is cheesy and fun rock. Almost like Turbonegro or Lordi, especially "There's Something Very Wrong With Us So Let's Go Out Tonight." "Germans in Mexico" is funny too. And "I Wish this Song Was Louder" is great.

MILLBURN
Well Well Well
Not unlike Colourfast without the gloom. I'm not sure if the sly/sardonic vocal style of Millburn will win out in the end. At the moment it's a tie. Yes, there is a competition. "Showroom" adds a bit of a DEVO vibe. "the book that you read is upside down." Okay, add some vintage Morrissey lyrics to that as well.

ROMAN NUMERALS
Roman Numerals
Wow, cool. Cure, Clash, Chameleons, the Jam. "The Rule of V" is simultaneously bleak and accessible. That's not an easy combination to pull off. Well done, them.

SOUNDPOOL
On High
Ooh, now yer talkin': retro Lush/Jesus & Mary Chain/My Bloody Valentine early 1990s shoegazey throwback. My second favorite kind. "On High" is full-on MBV homage. Not particularly distinguished in the originality stakes but as I keep saying here, originality is overrated and outmoded anyway. Plus nearly impossible. Soundpool is super hot. Even the little 30 second bits between the songs are super dreamy and gwargeous. I'll definitely be revisiting this honey of an album.

M. WARD
Post-War
Hm, going from a band (Soundpool) that sounds like a 4AD Records tribute act to M. Ward, who actually is on 4AD now. Quite a difference. I know Ward is their (and many other peoples') latest and greatst but this shit just bores me. Him and the Mountain Goats both, I'm just not feeling it. "Poison Cup" is mildly epic in scope, starting with voice & acoustic guitar and building into a small orchestral deal. His voice doesn't really do much within the song. Maybe that's the way he does it. "To Go Home" is uptempo rock band action. The ascending piano bit, yes, is very nice. Okay, this track is more to my liking. His voice has a kind of Tom Waits roughness that I think I'm starting to appreciate. "Right in the Head" is a shuffly acoustic thing. The lyrics.. "I hope he's right in the head." "I lived with many ghosts when I was younger." Hm. So, there's a bit of depth here after all. I still don't like Mountain Goats.

THE RAPTURE
Pieces of the People We Love
Aw yeah. A funky version of early Human League, OMD, Gary Numan. Which means analog synths going 'psssheeww' whenever possible, live drums, live guitars. "Don Gon Do It" is the anthem of the hour. Hereabouts. Althought "First Gear" is cool too.

THE VICTORIAN ENGLISH GENTLEMENS CLUB
The Victorian English Gentlemens Club
"The Tales of Hermit Mark," um, moody indie rock action with a goofy high pitched guy. And surprise turn of female vocalities on the chorus. Which really blows the whole thing wide open. The songs have a kind of nervous, infectious energy. Making them equally doomy and danceable. Nice.

THE CHANGES
Today is Tonight
Um. Split Enz meets Men At Work. If I was feeling less generous I'd add Coldplay to the mix. But seriously. There's a bit of Devo in there. That guy's fucking voice sounds just like Neil Finn. Sweet. "When I Wake" is cool. "Water of the Gods" too. "Modern Love" is not a David Bowie cover. But it could be.

THE PROBLEM
The Problem
The inveitable american take on modern uptempo indie rock. Um.

THE SOUNDS
Dying to Say this to You
Fun female vocals, blip synths, live bass, guitar & drums. Strokes meet Cyndi Lauper. Cool.

one piece short of legoland

Oh No Ono "Yes" is a fun, full-on 1980s throwback. The songs are so fucking catchy and I'm ready to invent a few dances after one listen. And the lyrics are appropriately awesome. Like in the... wow, almost Gary Numan meets ELO meets Supertramp "Ba Ba Baba Ba Ba Well Anyway."

DEPECHE MODE live at Rock am Ring 2006
A very disappointing performance, I felt. Dave Gahan must be back on the smack because he's just annoying onstage, slipping into an apparent impression of the cockney nutjob character from The Mighty Boosh every so often. Um, crossed with Ozzy circa the early 1980s. My man needs to go into rehab, get with a vocal coach and get with someone about developing a stage presence. I tried to look away but it didn't work, I could still hear him. He was way off pitch for most of the show. Martin Gore fared only slightly better, but he would pretty much have to in comparison. The stage itself was neato enough but the fake UFO wraparound things on the keyboard risers pretty much hid away any other elements of human musical activity. And I'm actually a proponent of electronic music. I personally have no problem with bands that use live sequences onstage. The drummer was, um, wow. Really good but I don't think ideally suited for that type of music. Or, what I assume the type of music is. Electronic? And what does Andrew Fletcher do exactly? The song selection was boring. And the new arrangements of some of the old stuff were, um, god, like nu-metal. Distorted power chord guitar.... even if it is Martin Gore playing it, it still ruins the effect. Ah yes, except for "I Feel You," which of course has been covered by many euro death metal bands. Their one chance to rock the fuck out and what did they do? They did nothing. The chorus was the same volume & intensity as the verse, bleh. And the filming, I have a beef and a half with the gimmicky, clever filming. I just want to see the band and the stage. Two things I never want to see are super slow motion closeups of sections of the lighting rig and more than a couple of audience shots. This fucker was almost 50/50 audience and band in spots. So, fuck that. This video is good for what it is. Unfortunately, just like Motley Crue's set at Rock am Ring last summer, it just highlights the many flaws.

Songs I Never Get Tired Of, Part One

Aztec Camera - Oblivious

Well Thought Out Twinkles

ICE-T
Rhino Hi-Five
Um. Five Ice-T classics, no really, classics, together at last on one modern EP. Serving what purpose I have no idea. Surely an Ice-T greatest hits compilation would be longer than five tracks. "Rhyme Pays" sounds more LL Cool J than I remember. It still sounds raw. "Soul on Ice" is a great little narrative thing...."I'm Your Pusher," obviously. "Shut Up, Be Happy" is a strange pick since it's just a mashup of Black Sabbath and Jello Biafra. "O.G. Original Gangster" in 1991 should've been the beginning of a string of great rap albums. Unfortunately it was pretty much the end. Body Count happened the following year and of course he hasn't done anything musically worth a shit since.

IRON MAIDEN
A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH
Do I dare? I skipped the last Maiden album but I really enjoyed Brave New World. "Different World" is a nice headbanging take on the idea of, um, having an open mind about other peoples' points of view. I'd love to see an audience singing about how much they respect other cultures, for example. "These Colours Don't Run" is apparently about american military types with flags tattooed on their asses. "It's the same in every country". God, I love this album already. "Brighter Than a Thousand Suns" is about Bruce Dickinson growing up with the threat of nuclear war looming. Musically it has nice dynamics. And on and on. It's a political Iron Maiden record. Fortunately for me I happen to agree with their stances. Metal titans and politics don't usually go together. But I like this so far.

IRVING
Death in the Garden, Blood on the Flowers
Lengthy titles are usually a predictor of bad things musically. Not always. "The Gentle Preservation of Chidlrens' Minds" is modern alternative rockery. "She's Not Shy" too. Two guitars, keyboards, bass, drums. Three note singer dude. It reminds me of Interpol but without the ghoulish bombast. For better or worse.

KOOP
Koop Islands
"Koop Island Blues" reminds me of Lovage. ie electronic swing with h0tt female vox. "Come to Me" is more of the same, cheesy swingy music with syrupy singing. Not bad for what it is, whatever that means.

SILVERSUN PICKUPS
Carnavas
"Well Thought Out Twinkles" is cool & melodic modern rock with kind of a 70s throwback guitar melody. Engagingly uptempo but not necessarily happy alt rock guitar trax. It must be good if I can't think of anything else.

TOKYO POLICE CLUB
A Lesson in Crime EP
What I love about "Cheer it On" is that it just sounds like the stupidest fucking thing in the world until the chorus hits. By which time, forget about it. It rules. They remind me of the Strokes and everyone else, sure. But still. Who cares. Originality is overrated & outmoded.

THE VEILS
Nux Vomica
Moody, screamy rock. Wiv acoustick guitars an that. Extra large. The lyrics have Morrisseyish aspirations, I reckon. "Advice for Young Mothers To Be." What else could it be.

NICKY WIRE
I Killed the Zeitgeist
Um, moody screamy rock wiv electrick guitars an' that. Rubbish on purpose, only is it. On purpose, I mean. Obviously it's rubbish. Just listen to his singing voice.

and everything's all right

TALK TALK
Life's What You Make It

You, Me, No We Won't Back Down

Useless first impressions of the new Paul Stanley album Live to Win.

Most of the songs sound like new Bon Jovi.

Guitar drones on most songs.

Every lead sounds like Bruce Kulick.

In previous decades, this just would've been a new KISS album. I still don't see why it's his solo deal. Whatever.

I don't hate it. Maybe I haven't listened closely enough. Ha.

Noise and anger in controlled doses.

No, seriously, why isn't this just a KISS album.

It'll be out around Halloween, apparently.

& yes, I know he looks like Cher.

you stutter when you sleep

Holy shit, this SoulWhirlingSomewhere album is the greatest thing I've ever heard. It's exactly - no, really, exactly - what I've wanted to do musically for my whole life. It has beats, dark moods, jazzy chords, slow tempi, great vocals & melodies. I'm in love..

It's called Please Sennd Help, it was released on Projekt in 2001. Certainly evocative of late-period Idaho. Gorgeous, sensitive, evocative. Headphones & moping suggested. You provide the wind & rain.

Sigh.



SoulWhirlingSomewhere - The Wedding
SoulWhirlingSomewhere - Aileron
SoulWhirlingSomewhere - I Give Up. Goodbye.

hold you like a dog

Why were all CDs from the 1980s mastered so quietly? Pump up the gottdamn volume already. Howard Jones & Dale Bozzio albums most recently sent me diving for the volume control.

Whereas the latest two Cure reissues sound AWESOME. If you add all the b-sides from Join the Dots, you get the, like, total package. I love all that shit so much, it's like religion to me. In 1987 I stopped liking KISS & started liking XTC, the Cure & the Damned. It gives me a soul-boner to revisit the oldies on occasion. The live version of "Fight" lets you hear the fine detail of Boris's drumming. What a great song, why don't they play shit like this now.

There was also a 2-CD retrospective of the Damned's two prolific years on the Stiff Records label. Which, the first two albums are my personal least favorites. A lot of people only like the first two. Ha.

New Lamb of God, sure. It's pretty smoothed out from what I remember of their early stuff. Some of it sounds like black metal.

Downloading now: Tom Waits's set at House of Blues in Cleveland, the same night we saw him in Akron. Everyone is still freaking out about the House of Blues set he played, apparently it was the best of the tour & maybe his best ever. I wouldn't know. To this day I still couldn't name a Tom Waits song if my life depended on it. I like him & his music quite a lot, I just don't know anything about it. Until now, anyway. My Tom Waits phase starts now. And since 300+ people have already downloaded the show from dimeadozen, my download speeds are impressively hovering around 500 kB/s. I'm pretty sure that the Cleveland taper was the guy who sat in the row behind us in Akron. Although it's possible someone else made the 8-hour drive from New Jersey, I suppose.

Uploading now: R@TT! I got this 1997 DVD in a trade last year. I loved the first three Ratt albums, so it's fun to check this shit out, from long after the glory days. The site I'm uploading to is mostly, um, Van Halen, Dokken, hard rocky type 80s metal. Which is cool is measured doses. Also what I like about this Ratt show is you can see Warren DeMartini playing all the guitar parts by himself. His playing is awesome, the chords & fills & riffs he came up with are almost like Voivod. & it's no wonder I could never figure out shit like "You're in Love". I'd have a hard time with it even now. Warren's solos are so melodic. I don't take it for granted now.

gettin' there

We went to Akron last night to see Tom Waits. The show sold out in something like 10 minutes, amid several TicketMaster fuckups. (It was probably TicketMaster's fault, let's assume they just fucked up again) When Michael ordered the tickets, the first pair he pulled were flagged for international will call only & it wouldn't let him type a US address. So he had to release the tix & pull two more, which of course were much farther back. But at least they were, like, in there at all. Fortunately we weren't in the majority of people who had to pick up their tix at the will call.

No opening act. The place was packed, obviously. Jim Jarmusch was there, maybe he was trying to slip in through the side door, undetected, but it didn't work. Everyone spotted him. He's easy to notice!



The show started late since most of the audients were still picking up their tickets at the 8pm showtime. Eventually the band took the stage around 8:30.

Everything about the show was powerful and simple. Kind of deceptively simple. The dramatic white curtain at the back of the stage, the simple but awesome lighting. The songs! The playing! The musicians! It was great. I could literally find no fault.

Waits is a super cool motherfucker. A super macho gruff-voiced cartoon character. And funny too. He said he was surprised to hear that the show sold out in ten minutes. He wondered why it took so long. And he mentioned going to the Goodyear museum since every time something good happened to him, he saw a Goodyear blimp. First time he held up a gas station, he looked up & saw a blimp. I guess you had to be there.

The guy in the row behind us was talking about dimeadozen.org. See, I'm not the only one who fucking loves that site. The tapers have been out in force for most of this tour so I'll be shocked & disappointed if my wispy greying afro doesn't wind up blocking someone's shot.

That's the funny thing about Dimeadozen... I think that people are actually starting to expect that every concert they've ever attended will now magically appear there.

who are making their return, shortly

I downloaded an album by Sabbat after Dani Filth dedicated a song to them on whatever DVD of theirs I just watched. "Hosanna in Excelsis"...it's clear that young Dani has been studying the vocal techniques on display. He sounds just like the Sabbat guy. Go figure.

Sabbat - Do Dark Horses Dream of Nightmares



Slayer - Disciple (live on Henry Rollins Show)

One Hell of a Lot of Us

ADRIAN BELEW: nicest guy in rock
Watching him entertain and engage a small but intense audience on the Pittsburgh 1999 DVD was a pleasure. The man is a master of handling not only the quiet, meek fans during the numerous (and surprisingly fun) question-and-answer sessions, but the obnoxious, loud, presumably drunk dude who yells a lot. He makes them all feel welcome. Musically, Adrian is truly amazing, especially during his party piece "Three of a Perfect Pair." Great show!



gorgeous reminders of the Michael Brook/Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan collaboration

I CAN SEE YOU

After watching this program with increasing excitement last night:

BBC - ROCK FAMILY TREES: Birmingham Beat

only* guitar driven pop music from the late 1960s sounds right to my ears. Fortunately there's a ton of albums uploaded in the alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.1960s group today. Such as "Around" by the previously unheard band Grapefruit.

Roy Wood is my new hero. Clearly, he pioneered everything good in rock music - makeup, stupid rock and roll songs, animal costumes.

Even Jeff Lynne came off sounding much better than I remember. ELO? Seriously? EL fucking O? The Move is fucking excellent. Wizzard was more of a laugh, but still very good.

Wizzard - See My Baby Jive



Paul and Gene have acknowledged stealing "Fire Brigade" for the early KISS track "Firehouse". They attempted to repay their hero Roy Wood by having Wizzard open for them on tour. which didn't go so well. Also Andy Partridge openly admitted to ganking "Blackberry Way" wholesale for the Dukes of Stratosphear track "Collideascope."



This version: holy fucking crap, it's guitar, bass and drums! Only! Imagine making that much of a song with just guitar, bass and drums!!! I said imagine, whore!

I was hoping the documentary would cover Brummie land during the 1970s as well. I mean, I could never figure out why Bev Bevan was in fucking Black Sabbath in the early 80s. Well, hell, he's from Birmingham. Plus he was a pop star in the Move wasn't he.

*well, and Alan Parsons Project, Ratt and Apparat. Mountain "Climbing."

I WANT EVERRYTHING

they say cancer is nothing to sneeze at. But your secondhand smoke tickles my sinuses. I can't help it.



If you like Patsy Cline and Loretta Lynn, listen to Neko Case.

& uh-oh, I don't hate the Christina Aguilera song "ain't no other man". Maybe this is just a remix or something... Hopefully.

And can anyone tell me the difference between Revolting Cocks and Ministry? I'm sure there must be one. The new RevCo is also, like, a partial Lard reunion since Jello Biafra vocalizes on the one about viagra. Timely.

Lita Ford on the Surreal Life. Best rumor in years.

Usenet has been on fire this week. First I find two Bohren and Club der Gore albums I've been lusting after for aeons, then, then, then, finally, unbelievably, Keith Tippett's Centipede!!!! I've wanted to hear this stuff since reading about it in the King Crimson bio five years ago. Septober Energy from 1971.

BANANARAMA
DRAMA
Um, this just sounds like Kylie and every other tech pop princess blah. In a bad way. I guess I prefer music that sounds like it sounds like something teenage girls would like. But this is just something teenage girls would like. Popular ones. "Venus" remixed for the fifty billionth time. "Look on the Floor" sounds like Madonna, big time. Crossed with Olivia Newton John. No, wait, that makes it seem cool.

BIOTRON SHELF
33 MINUTES NORTH
The great thing about Usenet is anyone can upload anything. If they upload it to enough groups, maybe someone will bite. You never know. Biotron Shelf may have perpetrated just such product placement. So, it's pleasant enough sort of minimalist electronic stuff. Blips & gurgles off in the distance. Reverbed to shite and back. Not offensive. "She Gave Me Dark Thoughts" is a nice title.

DE LA SOUL
THE IMPOSSIBLE MISSION
I liked "Three Feet High and Rising". No, I loved it. It was such a pleasant response to NWA, Ice-T, etc. But they never lived up to it, in my estimation. They don't suck but they're not as good as they were in 1988. I guess you could say the same about most of us. Is 'Butta Verses' a Busta Rhymes dis? Ooh, dishy. I'll try this thing again later but right now it's not knocking my nuts.

DIGITAL SAMSARA
DIGITAL SAMSARA
Multi culti ambient electronic noodling.

READ 'EM AND WEEP

Thursday was the half-anticipated/half-dreaded Zappa Plays Zappa show in Detroit. Michael Bill bought tix for us months ago... I have to be in a very specific mood to listen to Zappa & another very specific mood to want to sit in a hot black car for 4 hours. Etc. You get the idea, just me being a baby as usual.

We left at 2pm in my car. He brought his 40 gig ipod since he was in charge of entertainment for the drive. We got to the venue... in Auburn Hills, actually... around 6:30pm or so. We killed a few minutes with light dinner across the street. & eventually wandered in to the smallish amphitheater. I wasn't planning on buying a shirt, but when I found myself with cash in hand & saw a dark green one with ZOMBY WOOF in big yellow letters, I had to go for it. Eek. So now I'm Zappa Shirt Guy. I guess.

The place was packed with douchebags of all generations. Parents & kids. Lots of kids. Too many fucking kids. The show started with a long video of Frank & The Boys from I don't know what year. Then Dweezil etc wandered onto the stage & it was off to the races.


The show was surprisingly entertaining. I only knew a few songs but it was still enjoyable. Terry Bozzio was the first special guest they brought out. He was the highlight for me. "Punky's Whips" is hilarious. And he's such a good drummer. And very, um, fun to watch. His drumming... wow. The dude is a monster. He only played a few songs, which was a strange thing to do. Maybe Dweezil didn't want the superstar guests to pull focus from Frank's Music? Because, seriously, when Steve Vai came out, the whole place went ballistic. We listened to "Flex-able" on the way there, so I was kind of in the Vai zone already anyway. He was energetic & entertaining too but I dug Bozzio more. Um. The whole band was very very good obviously. I liked "Florentine Pogen". "Let's Make the Water Turn Black". Even though it was a big ghosty love-in for the long-dead Frank Zappa, this concert didn't feel like necrophilia until the bit where the band simulated jamming with him via the video screen. That was stupid & it was the only thing that reminded me of Natalie Cole singing a duet with her long dead daddy.


I'll take Dweezil's hairstyle too, please. I'm already halfway there.

The drive home took substantially longer because I made MCB drive. I drove maybe like 2 miles onto the freeway & it was instantly obvious that I just couldn't do it. So I took an exit & we made a pit-stop at White Castle. And spent the next hour trying to get back onto the fucking freeway! I got home at 4:30am. EUGH.



Our seats were waaaay over on Vai's side, so we're not in this amazing clip of Terry Bozzio....

BLOOD BRUISE

This shoulda been my year for concerts, but it somehow isn't. I dunno why. I already missed Thomas Dolby in Cleveland. Celtic Frost will be in Cleveland & Cincinnati, as will Gary Numan. And Venom will be in Cleveland. Hm.

Archival recording playlist
Thomas Dolby - Boston 1988, FM broadcast. Whoooooo-weeeeee! nus.
Zappa Plays Zappa - first three shows. Trying to get my ears in shape for the Detroit show next week.
Sunday All Over The World (billed as Fripp And Fripp) - spring 1989. Lots of stuff I've never heard before. Twenty songs in 70 minutes. Very nice. I miss this band. I miss futuristic progressive pop.

I'm already repeating myself here in my little micro music summaries.

Mello

BBC Radio 4
Sampledelica - History of the Mellotron
28 minutes
128k MP3
25.7MB

download


Good:
Moloko - Day for Night
String Quartet Tribute to Slayer

IT'S ALL AROUND YOU

DALMINJO
ONE DAY YOU'LL DANCE FOR ME TOKYO
Swoonful dancetronica. "Wouldn't Wanna Go Without You" is already the sad-hop anthem of the summer, occupying a similar bandwidth to M.I.A.'s "Sunshowers" last year. You know the one. It's gorgeous like Jazzanova. Oh my god, and "There is a Light that Never Goes Out", easily the greatest Smiths cover, possibly the greatest cover version of anything, ever. Up there with DE-VO's "Satisfaction", surely. This thing sounds like a sad old disco hit, crusty around the edges, slightly surly.

Overall, fucking awesome.

One Measured Exposure

Thomas Dolby
Windpower live video
Cleveland, OH
May 10, 2006

Damn it. I should've been at this show! Cleveland is as close as the tour came to me. Windpower has long been a favorite, so it's with mixed feelings that I watched this clip. He begins the song a capella & sounds horribly out of tune for some reason. He strains to get the notes out. Once the music kicks in, the song is in freefall, basically remixed on the fly. Verses, choruses, other bits, coming in rapid succession but not necessarily where they belong. I like the one man band idea but unfortunately it just boils down to karaoke. It's not all bad, though. Many aspects of the original are retained and despite everything, it's good to see Thomas Dolby in action. I love the fact that he makes things like this available

download - Thomas Dolby Windpower

Slow

SLOW MUSIC
05-11-2006
*thud*

30 second pause

*thud*

29 second pause

*thud*

28 second pause

etc.

Then! A slowly building drone that could be.... anything. Synth? Guitar? Guitar synth?

*atonal zing*

*slams head on keyboard*

*floor tom roll*

*frippertronic drone*

*cymbal roll*

Upright bass riffs. melodic percussion.

In other words, the sound of many musicians not playing together.

I CAN TASTE THE HATE

DREAMS OF DAMNATION
EPIC TALES OF VENGEANCE
Heavy as shit brutal death metal, thankfully with no concessions to vocal melodies. "Kill for Peace"! "Eaters of the Dead"!!!

FRONT LINE ASSEMBLY
ARTIFICIAL SOLDIER
I was just thinking about these guys yesterday. In making yet another typically lazy comparison, I think. I like the breakbeats on "Unleashed" & "Buried Alive".

HEAD CONTROL SYSTEM
EPIC TALES OF VENGEANCE
Strange combination of Nine Inch Nails, Nickelback and Disturbed? They just call this rock music now. You kids today and your Marilyn Manson. In my day, rock music was Billy Squier, Pat Benatar, Rick Springfield.

RICHARD H KIRK
ENTERING VALHALLA, VOL 2 (VIRTUAL LITE)
Very cool blippy & bassy um light dance music? I think the derisive term would be chillout music. But, y'know. Before that it was called ambient techno, maybe that's more apt.


UWE RECKZEH
POINT NORTH
Pleasantly spacey & ambient Hearts Of Space type shit. I can find no quarrel with this hour of quietly uplifting moods & melodies.

OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS BUILT ON LIES

Car music today:
V/A - Big Band Remixed And Reinvented
Thievery Corporation - The Doors - Strange Days

1. Dirty Pretty Things - B.U.R.M.A (3:18)
2. In Strict Confidence - Promised Land (5:40)
3. King Biscuit Time - C I Am 15 (3:21)
4. Pascal Feos - Out Of My Head (4:11)
5. Patrick Lee - For My Piano Teacher (4:56)
6. Strange Attractor - Simulacra (5:27)
7. Sufjan Stevens - No Man's Land (4:45)
8. Raman Beats - Monsoon (Lazy Mix) (5:07)
9. Triangle Sun - Beautiful (3:55)
10. The Outfield - Long Walk Back (from Nowhere) (4:28)
11. Headphone - sublime parade reworked (3:16)



ANGEL THEORY
RE-POSSESSION
Dark synth pop. The guy's voice reminds me of... Cyberaktif. Or old Front Line Assembly. And Skinny Puppy.

APARTMENT 213
CLEVELAND POWER VIOLENCE
16 songs in 30 minutes. Ultra grind! And it reminds me of Spazz, which is a high compliment indeed. All hail the return of the four second song. "After School 38 Special". Ha.

DANIELSON
SHIPS
That name. I already hate this band. Flaming Lips, Built To Spill. Not as bad as it could've been.

DIRTY PRETTY THINGS
WATERLOO TO ANYWHERE
Hello my new favorite new British band of the week. I love you more than anyone else this week. Sadly, the love affair will end before the CD. Although "You Fucking Love It" is a great song any day of the week.

EDENBRIDGE
THE GRAND DESIGN
Dream Theater crossed with Queen. No shit. Fucking hilarious.

FIRE IN THE ATTIC
I'LL BEAT YOU CITY
Big budget death metal emo. Just like I knew it would be. Look at the band name, look at the album title. Sucky fucking suck suck.

GLEDHILL
CONSTELLATIONS
Weird. Country guitar pop rock with all the comforts of home. No, um, I mean it sounds like Wilco crossed with Linkin Park. Epic synths & pianos at every turn. Hm. Not fun. Not cool. Close, but no.

HEADPHONE
TWO STORIES HIGH
Quietly jazzy layered clicktronica. & triphop, innit.

IN STRICT CONFIDENCE
EXILE PARADISE
Wow, kick-ass, dark synth pop. Depeche Mode meets Ace of Base, in a good way.

JEWEL
GOODBYE ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Y'know, I've never heard a Jewel album before. Owing largely to my own survival instincts. This just sounds like country to me. Now I know.

KILLING MACHINE
METALMORPHOSIS
Musically... Mercyful Fate. Vocally...Bruce Dickinson.

KING BISCUIT TIME
BLACK GOLD
I guess there's a reason it reminds me of Beta Band.

KMFDM
RUCK ZUCK EP
I forget the last time I heard these guys. This ain't bad, big buncha remixes. Whatever happened to good, angry electronica anyway? Oh yeah, Trent Reznor.

KUTLESS
HEARTS OF THE INNOCENT
Disturbed, or Godsmack. Or Mudvayne. Same thing.

PATRICK LEE
TWELVE TUSK PIANO
Holy shit, this rules. Funky, jazzy, sample-based, um, songs? The beats are large & AWESOME. And it's loungey like Thievery Corp. I like the fact that there are no vocals. NICE!

MAD MAX
NIGHT OF WHITE ROCK
Is that guy taking the piss with the singing? The music is detuned, in-your-face riff rock. Then the singer comes in. I can't even describe the guy's voice. It's really high & wimpy. Oh, I know - the guy from Prefab Sprout. Who I love. But he'd be useless fronting Iron Maiden.

MAINSTAY
WELL MEANING FICTION
Linkin Park crossed with Coldplay.

NORMA JEAN
O GOD THE AFTERMATH
Screamy, Pantera-style hardcore riff metal. Wow, they really sound like Pantera to me. Norma Jean is a dead ringer. And? There's no lame emo action anywhere.

OTHLIA
CONTINENTS
Yelling, movie soundtrack-type orchestral thingamajigs. Prettiness, quietness, loudness, sound effects.



THE OUTFIELD
ANY TIME NOW
Good god, is this The Outfield from the 80s? This sounds like new U2 or something. If it's them, then I give them credit for updating their sound. If it's not, then, maybe they should renew the copyright on their name. Whatever it is, it's very good 80s style guitar driven pop rock. "Long Walk Back (from Nowhere)" sounds like vintage The Outfield. I didn't realize I liked them the first time around. But, yeah. Surprisingly cool.

PAN AMERICAN
FOR WAITING, FOR CHASING
Clicky, fucked-up, antimusic. In a good way.

PASCAL FEOS
SYNAPTIC
Cool, fun, modern, instrumental, danceable electronica. Like who? Like no other. Melodic, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay minimalistic. "Ausklang" is the shit. But every track rules.

RAISON D'ETRE
METAMORPHYSES
An hour of gradually shifting live ambience. Metallic percussion, loud drones. Etc. Heavily reverbed. Occasionally building to a crescendo. Occasionally just laying there in a Steve Roach-like pile of hmsh.

SECTION A
PARALLEL LIVES
Melodic heavy metal. Iron Maiden meets Foreigner. Not bad at all.

SERAPIS
SERAPIS
Death metal, cool. Okay, now I'm just waiting for the emo part to kick in. "Shatner Mask" - there it is.

SOFIAN ROUGE
MEDITERRANEAN EXCURISION
Utter ripoff of the first Enigma album, right down to the sexy voiced female spoken word intro and the fucking beat on the first proper song. & instead of gregorian chant you get a sort of middle eastern inflected dude going at it. It's...... not bad, I guess. It's just derivative as fuck! So cheeky!

STARKWEATHER
CROATOAN
Oh my god, no. "Slither" started out so strong! Slow doom death metal dirge with black metal vocals. And then it turned a corner & a clean voiced guy starts singing about emotions. Fucking fuck. So close. I didn't see that one coming at all.

SUFJAN STEVENS
THE AVALANCHE
I keep seeing this guy's name everywhere. Heavily embellished singer songwriter deal. Is it good, is it bad. There's too much happening for a first listen. It doesn't suck outright, I'll say that.

HAWKSLEY WORKMAN
TREEFUL OF STARLING
Unlike Hawksley Workman, whose sonic blueprint is strangely repellent.

SPIRIT OF THE FOREST

Wow, a rubbish charity single/video from 1989. Andy Partridge shows up immediately. Wait for the chorus to see Colin Moulding.

The song is horrible, which is why this is probably the first time you're hearing it.

GONNA BE THERE

ABOMINATOR
THE ETERNAL CONFLAGRATION
Scary black thrash grind metal. My favorite kind.

AKMUSIQUE
LA VIE DU LOUNGE
Mellow trip hop to full on jazz to, I don't know, techno pop. Interesting gamut.

AVENUE BLUE
NIGHTLIFE
Smooth jazz.

BOARDS OF CANADA
TRANS CANADA HIGHWAY
Slowly unfolding, melodic, textural electronica. Cool beats & production. I like "Dayvan Cowboy" and "Skyliner".

THE CHANNELS
THE CHANNELS
Occasionally acceptable big-budget wimpy indie rock.

KEEP OF KALESSIN
ARMADA
Progressive, epic death metal with an equal preponderance of synths and blastbeats. "The Black Uncharted" sounds like Voivod. Now I'm confused.

THE KILAMANJARO DARKJAZZ ENSEMBLE
Sweet, dark, full band improv. Portishead plus Talk Talk. Or, Sianspheric. Same thing, no? Very cool.

PERSUADER
WHEN EDEN BURNS
Super melodic death metal. Clean, melodic vocals. Very confusing.

PHARAOH
THE LONGEST NIGHT
Dope prorgressive-ish metal. With lots of long instrumental parts. The singer's voice doesn't grate either, which is rare in this genre. This genre we call Iron Maiden.

RED WINE
THE END
A band I've never heard, covering a bunch of metal/hard rock classic tracks that I've never heard. Well, I've heard the Dio & Megadeth songs at some point.

ROGUE TRADERS
HERE COME THE DRUMS
Um, kinda guitar-driven top forty pop music? "Voodoo Child" samples Elvis Costello's "Pump it Up".

RON SEXSMITH
TIME BEING
Elliott Smith? Or, if I'm feeling generous, Neil Finn? Type of thing? Singer songwriter thing.

SKYE
MIND HOW YOU GO
Slow/mopey pop music. Sounds like one of the Spice Girls with PMS.

STRANGE ATTRACTOR
EVERYTHING IS CLOSER
Kick ass trip hop. In bulk.

TACOA
FENG SHUI
Groovin' electronica along the lines of ole Deep Forest. ie beats plus indigenous music.

VOIVOD
KATORZ
It was sad when Piggy died. I've loved Voivod since the 80s. I don't care for Jasonic's involvement, but the 2003 self-titled Voivod album was excellent. 30 seconds into "The Getaway", this is already different. Let me listen to this mofo 50x & I'll get back to you. "The X-stream" is fucking excellent, I can say that much. But the front cover art isn't very amazing, is it.

THE WAKE
DEATH-A-HOLIC
Obviously not The Wake (UK) on Factory Records nor Cleopatra Records's The Wake from Columbus Ohio. This one is an Opeth-y death metal band.

SCOTT WALKER
THE DRIFT
Fucking weird. How did this guy become famous again? The music is experimental, possibly improvised. The vocals, um, highly poetic recitations? With occasional melodic passages.

LET

AFX
CHOSEN LORDS
More squitchy twitchy anti dance smleaugh from the main man of squitchy twitchy anti dance smleaugh. Me likey "PWSteal.Ldpinch.D", remind me to shout that one out at his next gig.

ALIEN VAMPIRES
EVIL GENERATION
Dark electro. All synthetic. The riffs might've originated on guitar, maybe not. The vocals sound like Dani Filth. And with trax like "I Fuck Nuns", "Fake Blod is For Cunt", the influence seems apparent. "Satanic Propaganda (SNTF Rising)" even takes the fun out of devil worship.

HERB ALPERT'S TIJUANA BRASS
WHIPPED CREAM AND OTHER DELIGHTS REWHIPPED
Allstar remix project that would've been much cooler about ten years ago. Still, this could've turned out much worse.

Die Anarchistische Abendunterhaltung
DOMESTIC WILDLIFE
The first song is like experimental orchestral jazz classical progressive rock. "Rabbit Eye Movement" is a gorgeous piece of orchestra... pop? Track three sounds very much like the middle eight of "21st Century Schizoid Man" for woodwinds, bass and drumset. Pretty cool.

CAMP
ICONOGRAPHY
Weird. Dance music beats, new wave guitars & keyboards. Disco basslines. And fey, disaffected vocals. I didn't mean it was weird. I should've said SWEET. "If I Were a Cat".

THE COMMERCIAL HIPPIES
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT
Nine tracks that merge into one long hour of dull trance.

DATACH'I
SHOCK DIAMONDS
Weird-ass noises treated rhythmically. Quite a few of them. But not a beat or melody in sight.

DESTYNATION
RISING UP
Wow. Judas Priest crossed with Foreigner.

DRAGON LORD
THROUGH THE TIME
Um. Pass. Man, I wish these guys were kidding.

ENDRONE
THE SINS WITHIN
Detuned boy band emo death metal.

ETERNAL TEARS OF SORROW
BEFORE THE BLEEDING SUN
Melodic, orchestral black metal with catchy choruses. That can't be.

FANNY
SHOEBOMB HURRICANE
There's a Venetian Snares remix on the end. Need I say more?

JACK JOHNSON
CURIOUS GEORGE
Dull, offensive, Santana-esque acoustic guitar driven Top 40. And it's cheesy.

TIM KOCH
FAENA
This guy operates solely in the realm of the snarky song title. All 17 trax are steeped in snark. Musically, it's instrumental electronica of various descriptions. My favorite, "Seven Ate Nine" has a nice drum groove over melodic synth stuffing. Tim Koch, a subtle & palatable version of Aphex Twinkie.

LOSCIL
PLUME
Now THAT's what I call subtleatmosphericambientronica. Now I'm getting misty-eyed for the old days of Future Sound Of London. Awww.


MEDIAEVAL BAEBES & MARTIN PHIPPS
THE VIRGIN QUEEN
If this is a soundtrack, the movie sounds awesome. You know the Baebes's deal already.

NARNIA
ENTER THE GATE
If you have to be a Euro power metal band with keyboards, and no one is suggesting you do, I guess you could do worse than this. Bruce Dickinson-worship vocals, Maidenish riffs. The only wildcard on the first cut is the wildly inappropriate Journey (ca. 1981) keyboards. Which I like. Recommended for Iron Maiden fans who always wished Jonathan Cain would've joined.

OAKENFOLD
A LIVELY MIND
Semi-terrible stadium dance hitz. Maybe I expected more from Oakie cokey. But I don't know why.

SAMBASSADEUR
COASTAL AFFAIRS EP
Oh my god, musically, "Kate" gets it so right it's right. Acoustic guitar, bloppy bass, wispy female singing. Kind of like Magnetic Fields meets the Cure and/or New Order. Highly melodic.
All four tracks are like that. Fucking excellent!

SEPULTURA
DANTE XXI
I've never been a fan. I wrote them off as latecomers to the death metal game in the early 1990s. So fuck knows what their records sound like. This one is pretty brutal in spots. "Dark Wood of Error" has nice meaty riffs. ""City of Dis" starts like Celtic Frost, then thrashes out for a bit. Then it's kind of groovy. "Repeating the Horror" has a decent melodic element. Is
"Still Flame" a bonus track? It sounds like a heavy metal Portishead cover.

SPEKTR
THE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE
I know Cronos likes to refer to Venom's music (often mid-song) as 'black fucking metal', but I think this is real black fucking metal. It's scary, there are no grooves, you can hear keyboards in the distance, the drums are recorded & mixed strangely, and the vocals are terrifying. Plus, "The Violent Stink of Twitching Terror." Hands down. Black fucking metal!!

THIEVERY CORPORATION
VERSIONS
This shit is fucking awesome. 18 songs, give or take, are given the full Thievererrey biz. And, put it this way, my two favorite songs are their Versions of trax by the Doors and Sarah McLachlan. I know, I know. Shit is DOPE! Soundtrack of the century. The Fear of Pop cut is cool, as are Herb Alpert and Gilbertos Astrud and Bebel. WICK'd!

retouch

ASMODEUS
IMPERIUM DAMNATUM
Yay scary black metal. Brutal, terrifying, gorgeous. Those blastbeats are dramatic! "On the Inflammatory March." And it's cool that they saved the ghouly sound effects intro piece for the end.

ATTACKER
THE UNKNOWN
Good god, that voice. It sounds like the dude from Overkill in the 80s. Like, high, melodic & untrained. That's how it sounds anyway. The music is kind of like Overkill too. Adequate, non-fluffy, heavy metal. It's not thrash & it's not glam.

KENNETH BAGER
FRAMENTS FROM A SPACE CADET
With all those guest vocalists, this sounds like a mellow/dub version of the Junkie XL albums of recent vintage.

FRANK BRETSCHNEIDER & PETER DUIMELINKS
FFLUX
Monotonous/minimalistic electronica that practically isn't even there. Shit is quiet, repetetive & of almost no use to me as a listener! So there!

D.A.D.
SCARE YOURSELF
The first song reminds me of Nirvana. The second one reminds me of Foo Fighters. None remind me of Probot though, so I can't call them Grohl-ites. So, I dunno, melodic hard rock with a hint of alternativeness?

DNA
KICK ME UP
Generic instrumental trance.


FILUR
INTO THE WASTELAND
Awwwwwwww yeah. The first song is downtempo electronica with awesome vocals from the hawt hawt hawtie Stina Nordenstam. The second is uptempo & just as rad. "Avoid Disgrace" adds dude-vox. "Kid Retouch". "What I Long", is that the one with the Gus Gus singer female? It's nice too. "Right Said Frog", "Boredom Threshold". This album is the undisputed springtime jam!

HIM
PEOPLES
Potentially neato downtempo jazzy loungey dance rock thing. Then again "In These Times" strays a bit too close to Santana ground for my liking.

HOWE GELB
'SNO ANGEL LIKE YOU
Guitar, singing, drums, weirdness. Lots of weirdness.

IDLE SONS
SIXTEEN SEASONS
Emo punk pop rock.

LAURA MICHELLE KELLY
THE STORM INSIDE
It's just confusing that this otherwise nondescript young female singer songwriter piano pop album opens with a gorgeous cover of Nick Drake's "Riverman".

MADS LANGER
ATTENTION PLEASE
Who's this guy singing these generic pop songs. Nevermind, don't answer. Turns out I don't care.

NORTHAUNT
HORIZONS
Ooooh, ghoulyambience.

OPPOSITE8
HARD ENOUGH
Pleasant enough dance music.

PALACE
BLACK SUN
Wow, who else writes songs called "Women In Leather" in this day and age, I ask you. I have to give this one points just for that. Melodic power metal. I'm reminded of Pretty Maids. Aw, but "Rock Soldiers" isn't a Frehley's Comet cover. Darn.

PET SHOP BOYS
FUNDAMENTAL
I liked "West End Girls" when it came out because I heard it all over London the first time I went there. I was 13. Since then the only other thing I liked was the first Electronic single. The technology may be updated but it's still just synth pop, innit.

PORTUGAL THE MAN
WAITER: "YOU VULTURES!"
All that punctuation on the album title. I already hate this band. Song titles so snarky I'm not even going to bother relating ("Horse Warming Party"). Offputting combination of indie pop, prog rock & big budget emo. Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh. Puke all over myself.

SHINJUKU THIEF
DEVOLUTION
Strangely-mixed uh, sonic experimentation. Some quite gruesome.

SILENT CIVILIAN
REBIRTH OF THE TEMPLE
Melodic progressive death metal. With screechy AND clean vocals. Something for everyone but me.

SNAKE EYE
RITUAL INSTINCTS
"Queen of the Night". Hm. This is hard rockin', high pitched voice hard rock metal stuff. The singing is okay, it reminds me of the fake band on the movie Rock Star.

STEREO FUSE
ALL THAT REMAINS
Fucking boring modern emo grunge. And the vocals are almost like country.



TIGER BABY
NOISE AROUND ME
Awesome band name (only Spider Baby could be better), great dance synth pop, hot-voiced female vocalist, fun songs. Soundtrack of the summer. Almost. Top five anyway.

URSULA 1000
HERE COMES TOMORROW
NOW yer talkin'. FUN dance pop big beat. & it's funky.

CARL MICHAEL VON HAUSSWOLFF
LEECH
Sounds like he spent the first 2.5 minutes trying to plug in the synth. Track two, 20 minutes of almost nothing. Track three, loops of clicks & static. Track four, 12.5 minutes of... even less. Heavily reverbed drum hits every 30 seconds or so.

RECOGNIZE

BENGA
NEWSTEP
Melodic & electronic, like a nu version of 808 State. Sort of. Maybe not quite that melodic. "Zombie Jig". "Dubstep Dreams".

HOOBASTANK
EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF
I've always hated this band despite never hearing them. No band called Hoobastank could be worth a god damn, I don't care who they get to do what. My premonitions were correct, this is indeed worthless pop poop rock. And can I just register a general complaint while I'm here about military imagery in rock songs? The ole hup two three four kind of thing? Because it's bogus & it makes my skin crawl.

MESRINE
JACK IS DEAD
50 song grindcore, um, concept album? About serial killers and... the Simpsons? The longest track is still under three minutes. Sound quality ranges from clean to disgusting! As well it should. "Andrew Cunanan"...."Apu".... "Skinner pt 2".

MOTORJESUS
DEATHRIDER
Melodic Euro power metal pop rock. The choruses sound like Nickelback.

KERRANG PRESENTS
REMASTER OF PUPPETS
Full length tribute album by 'today's hottest metal artists'. Machine Head tunes down, so their "Battery" intro already sounds different. Otherwise, yeah. It is what it is. Hm, covering an entire album, what a concept. I've never heard of Mendeed or Fightstar, but the rest are what passes for household names in the world of metal these days. Dude, Bullet For My Valentine's whiny singer sounds like a fucking tool. Chimaira (original band name there, well done)'s dude takes the opposite approach - tuneless death metal screeching - & sounds just as toolish. Funeral For A Friend too, with "Damage, Inc". Meh.

PAUL SIMON
SURPRISE
Good god, it sounds like Sonic Youth at the beginning. That's weird. Did I cue up the wrong thing? The highest compliment I can pay this is to say that it doesn't sound like Paul Simon. I've never been down with the little man. Though I was confused when Chevy Chase was in that one video, because he was still funny & hadn't turned into a puppet of elective cosmetic surgery yet. I might even listen to "How Can You Live in the Northeast" again. "Everything About it is a Love Song" goes drum & bass, yes, ten years too late. Better late than never, I suppose. Not bad for a fossil. Or, I've just lost my fucking mind.

SONIC YOUTH
RATHER RIPPED
I lost track of these guys after 'Goo', so I don't know what else to say beyond it sounds like Sonic Youth. Opener "Reena" is a clean-tone exploration. Upbeat & sorta jangly. But still moody & unique. "Incinerate" has clean guitars too. Is that how they do it now? Nice. "Sleepin Around" - there's the scuzz. Is Kim Gordon singing more? Cool album. I don't know what I expected, but this shit is cool.

DEAR

the string quartet tribute to secondhand stupidity

people I sort of know


RICHARD BUTLER
RICHARD BUTLER
He should've called it Dick Butler. Har. Hardy har. Now, what differentiates this from Psychedelic Furs or Love Spit Love, I do not know. But it's not bad at all, it reminds me of Ian McCulloch's solo albums back in the day.

CARPATHIAN FOREST
FUCK YOU ALL!!!
Dude, yes. This is AWESOME! Unapolgetically raw & brutal death thrash. "Submit to Satan!!!". Do you know, I think I might do now. "Start Up the Incinerator (Here Comes Another Useless Fool)". "Shut Up, There's No Excuse to Live". Awesome.

CRAIG DAVID
THE STORY GOES
I hate this guy. Pre-digested R&B pop. And "Thief in the Night" isn't a KISS cover. That would've been cool, a crappy pop cover of an obscure Gene Simmons song from the 1987 album 'Crazy Nights'. But no.

THE DIVINE COMEDY
VICTORY FOR THE COMIC MUSE
On the one hand, I love everything they did on 'Father Ted'. On the other, a big bunch of smug, lame, fake big-band. The jury is still out on this batch. But I can already tell you it's no "My Lovely Horse".

FLEETING JOYS
DESPONDENT TRANSPONDER
Wow, they don't make 'em like this anymore, do they. It's so rare that any new music reminds me of My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive, Ride, Idaho. AWww. I'mma just soak this one up now. Fucking gorgeous! & "Young Girls' Fangs". Nice.

GORELORD
NORWEGIAN CHAINSAW MASSACRE - THE FINAL CUT
Piano ballads? What do you reckon? "Dying or Dreaming" starts with someone firing up a chainsaw. Then it's.... wow. Brutal death metal. Sweet syncopation & fingers crossed, no wimpy fucking clean vocals. AW yeah. That bit was almost like Meshuggah, but not quite.

HEAD AUTOMATICA
POPAGANDA
Ick. Just, ick. I can't even explain why. American guitar pop rock emo horseshit? With the now-requisite snarky song titles. Which I'm not going to spell out.

KORN
LIVE & RARE
Is this even a real album? I don't know. Y'know, Korn is one of those bands that I've always avoided because their music seemed stupid, their image seemed stupid & their fucking fans were inbred retards. I guess the music isn't horrible, but I also don't see what the big deal is.

PHOENIX
IT'S NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT
Unamazing indie rock.

Q MAGAZINE BEST OF 86-06
Artists I've never heard covering songs I've never heard. Fascinating.

RADIO 4
ENEMIES LIKE THIS
More Strokes/Interpol/Editors babies. Welcome aboard, lads.

REBEL MEETS REBEL
REBEL MEETS REBEL
Too bad I can't stand this shit, I think this guy just lives up the street. Pantera is fine but this just underlines how big of a deal the lead vocals are & how much they can change the whole vibe of what would otherwise be a normal metal album. & a decent one at that.

THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS
DON'T YOU FAKE IT
These pop punk emo metal pop bands just seem to fall out of the sky fully formed. I don't get it. This shit makes me feel old, especially since I haven't heard a single thing in the whole 'movement' that I want to hear a second time. Is it me?

THE RIVERBOAT GAMBLERS
TO THE CONFUSION OF OUR ENEMIES
Damn, I really wanted to like this. The music is pretty cool, but the singing & vocal melodies are on the wrong side of pop punk.

STORM OF CAPRICORN & PARANOIA INDUCTA
JAMA (split album)
Storm of Capricorn = droney dark ambients (plural).
Paranoia Inducta = droney euro folk with dark ambients (plural) in the back. Neat.

THURSDAY
A CITY BY THE LIGHT DIVIDED
This week's Interpol/Editors offspring. For the most part. Too bad the prefab emo choruses suck so bad. The quiet parts are sweet.

TOOL
10,000 DAYS
When did Tool get so popular? Headlining this year's Download festival, along with the likes of Guns N Roses and Metallica? I had no idea. You Tool-tools are really protective aren't you. Bunch of deranged c0ck monkeys. Nah, I think it's just stoner music. & Pink Floyd isn't making albums anymore. & some people need music to take drugs to, don't they. Rush. Cool that they're bringing big words like "Vicarious" to their escapist, drug-taking fan base.

KANYE WEST
LATE ORCHESTRATION
Is this a joke? I've never heard anything else of his. Live & with an orchestra. I thought only washed-up heavy metal bands did the Live Symphony thing. Strangely, I don't hate this.

INSIDE

AS FAST AS
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DAMNED
Open letter to Garth Brooks & The Offspring, more like. Let's leave The Damned out of it, shall we?

BEAUTIFUL SOUTH
SUPERBI
Has this band always been country? No, that can't be. Their early videos weren't nearly this dire. Is this shit popular in England? I'm really confused by this album. But, not, like, enough to look up any of this stuff. You do it for me. & I don't know what these guys are playing at, but country music is not cool in any context, ever. "Manchester" isn't country, it's a bit Smiths, innit. Is Paul Leave The Heat-on's Morrissey impression intentional? "There is Song" is back to the country. All right. Fuck this shit. "Never Lost a Chicken to a Fox" sounds like Primal Scream doing a Mel Tillis cover.

BORIS
PINK
Some things are impossible not to love. I fear Boris is one of them. Skudge rowk. Fudge Tunnel times Tad plus the Nuge. In a good way.

EVERY MOVE A PICTURE
HEART WEAPON
That's well weapon. Sounds like the guitarist from A Flock of Seagulls with Duran Duran's rhythm section, the keyboard chick in the Billy Idol video and.... some dude singing. It's not bad. I expected the worst with that horrible band name.

FLUTTR EFFECT
SWALLOWS AND SPARROWS
"Tarantula" is mostly ambient layering of female vocals... followed by cello? & vibes beneath some Tori Amos-ish emoting. "Transmission" too. "Swallows and Sparrows" sounds like a lost Enya/Lisa Gerrard jam, in a bad way. I mean, ehhhhhhh, it's not horrible.

GNARLS BARKLEY
ST ELSEWHERE
Kinda stupid, kinda funny, fun to listen to. Filling the void left by Outkast. Hip hop soul kinda thing with samples & big beats. "Crazy", obviously, if you're outside the US. I don't know if this thing was even released here. Maybe it's a delayed reaction. Couple of doomy ballads. It's fun.

LACUNA COIL
KARMACODE
10-15 years ago I would've been thrilled to know that metal, goth and synth pop would someday merge and take over the world. Too bad the reality is so fucking boring.

LAMBCHOP
THE DECLINE OF COUNTRY AND WESTERN CIVILIZATION
Good god, cool it with the snarky titles already. And I say that as a snarky fanatic. "Soaky in the Pooper" opens. Nice name for a ballad. "Two Kittens Don't Make a Puppy"... "Moody Fucker'.... "Loretta Lung".... "I Can Hardly Spell My Name". "Playboy, the Shit". "Two Kittens" starts with a long, effected, layered solo saxophone thing, followed by a little big-beat. So, Flaming Lips, yes, obviously.

PANZER AG
YOUR WORLD IS BURNING
Marilyn Manson. Big time.

SNOG VS. THE FAECAL JUGGERNAUT OF MASS CULTURE
SYNTHETIC MELODIES OF RESISTANCE
I have low expectations of post-everything dark synth pop, since the majority of today's practitioners favor stale style over substance. Not so with Snog, et al. They have gurgling synths & choons in equal measure. So, yay. "Crash Crash" fits nicely in a mixtape situation.

STAINLESS
TWO FACES
High voiced indie rocker dude. The music is bleahy indie rock too. They merge and.... nothing. Not a thing.

THE TERRIBLE TWOS
IF YOU EVER SEE AN OWL
Whoever said it was time for a Toad The Wet Sprocket revival should be forced to listen to this horseshit forever & ever & ever & ever. It sucks when dudes attempt to dabble in Bjorkish cuteness with songs about bugs, numbers, dinosaurs, math & chocolate milk. It just doesn't work. At all. In any context.

KIDBEATS

ARDITI
DESTINY OF IRON 7"
Mm, sounds like a lame Dead Can Dance sample played on a cheesy little Casio SK-5 for ten minutes.

BIRD SHOW
LIGHTNING GHOST
Straaaaaaange. Highly experimental folky songage. With the oddest sonic additions! I'm telling you. I can't describe this shit, but I like it very very much.

CELTIC FROST
MONOTHEIST
follow-up: I haven't made much progress with this beast. It's so dark that it's impossible for me to listen to very often.

DANIETO
Contemplación De La Vida Inerte
Likably tuneful & clicky blipboptronica. Now get the hell outta here!

DICTAPHONE
VERTIGO II
Y'know, I don't think the name of this project is a coincidence. This thing sounds like it was recorded through someone's ass & then processed heavily later. Which is a cool working process but a real bitch to have to listen to.

FILM SCHOOL
FILM SCHOOL
This week's entry into the moody 1980s guitar pop rock stakes. & another winner. Octavey guitar always wins with me.

FORWARD, RUSSIA!
GIVE ME A WALL
A more extroverted entry in the moody 1980s guitar pop rock category. & another winner. Fake Simon Le Bon vocals often win with me.

MANITOU
DEADLOCK
I wonder if they got their name from the Venom song in the 1980s. If so, cool. Too bad they sound more like Europe than Venom.

ORTHODOX
GRAN PODER
Hm, doom, lovely doom. Four songs clocking in at just under an hour. Sounds like quite a bit of improv happening as well. Which would explain a few things.

PATH OF RESISTANCE
CAN'T STOP THE TRUTH
The album opens with a wall of gweetar feedback. Aw, how cute. How fucking old school in this day & age. Then a hardcore metal punk polka thrash beat just like we useta do in the 1980s.

PHAROAH
THE LONGEST NIGHT
Melodic metal that is HIGHLY derivative of Iron Maiden. To the extreme! Maybe a little Judas Priest on top, just to blur the lines.

REFLEXION
OUT OF THE DARK
Big budget Euro power metal.

REKID
MADE IN MENORCA
Likeably tuneful epic bliptronica with nods to the 1980s. Which is a nice touch. "Arp"!

SNOW PATROL
EYES OPEN
Never heard 'em before, so I guess I better pay attention. Semi experimental indie pop rock. I can't tell if it rules or sucks ass at this point. Which doesn't mean a thing.

THIRD FLOOR STORY
LONELY CITY
Big budget wimpy indie rock. I think the frailty & smallness of the songs is betrayed by this obnoxiously shiny production. As a bunch of 4-track demos, this album would probably rule.

WANTS

ADEM
LOVE AND OTHER PLANETS
Wilco.

GWYN ASHTON
PROHIBITION
Pentatonic blues rock that just sounds like dumbed-down Stevie Ray Vaughan at times.

ATREYU
A DEATHGRIP ON YESTERDAY
Death metal music with Journey/Foreigner vocals.

DAEDALUS
DENIES THE DAYS DEMISE
Non-horrible electronic dancery sing songery. Samples, loops, tunes.

DISMANTLED
STANDARD ISSUE
Dark synth pop.

ERIC GADD
ERIC GADD
Soul, r&b, pop with the F word.

EVANS BLUE
THE MELODY AND THE ENERGETIC NATURE OF VOLUME
The sentence-length album title should be a clue that whiteboywhininess abounds. Encased in hard rock riffs though it may be.

GODSMACK
LIVIN' IN SIN
Radio friendly dark pop metal. Which they practically invented.

GOTAN PROJECT
LUNATICO
Smooth & jazzy grooves. Lyrics en Espanol. It's cool & I like the accordion. If that's an accordion.

HAMMER BROS
THE VITALITY
Screamy slow hardcore metal. With a Cro-mags cover at the end. So I don't think they're bullshitting ya here.

HOMEBREW
SMOKE & MIRRORS
Full on blues. Horn section, everything.

I AM ROBOT AND PROUD
THE ELECTRICITY IN YOUR HOUSE WANTS TO SING
Sweet-ass electronica that's more fun to listen to than write about!

LAS KETCHUP
UN BLODYMARY
Latin pop.

LIVE
SONGS FROM BLACK MOUNTAIN
Dude, I fucking hate this band. To me they've always symbolized everything that's wrong with alternative rock music. Bland fucking songs & the singer has the most annoying voice I've ever heard. This shit pile is no exception.

PSYCHOBITCH
ELECTROLICIOUS
Euro tech dance pop with metallic guitars & overtones. "Go Pussy Go". Next wave Lords of Acid?

SCARLET
THIS WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO FALL APART
The sentence-length album title should be a clue that whiteboywhininess abounds. Encased in progressive death metal riffs though it may be.

ERIC STECKEL BAND
HAVANA
Live blues band. The singer sounds about 15, maybe he is.

US BOMBS
WE ARE THE PROBLEM
Boppy pop punk with a wheezy old dude on the mic. Uptempo songs about weighty social topics. "Tonight" is the piano/acoustic ballad. Green Day had a piano/acoustic ballad, didn't they.

groan

Motley Crue - Rock am Ring 2005

I grabbed this video really out of morbid curiosity. I haven't been a fan since the mid 80s but after seeing the setlist for their most recent tours, I recognized quite a few song titles. Plus it was online so it's not like there was any kind of risk involved. The show? Yeesh. I think they've always been pretty rough live, but this show was really ragged. Poor Mick Mars! That's all I can say. I don't know how he's still able to play guitar. But he is. Tommy Lee's drumming is still the star attraction as far as I'm concerned. Vince Neil just sucks. Nikki Sixx is a fuckin' cheese. And in 2005 they really weren't doing any justice to their legacy.

I don't know, I've seen Billy Idol's set from the same festival & he was much better. Weird.



ANGELS AND AIRWAVES
WE DON'T NEED TO WHISPER
Crap band name. Potentially crap album title. We're not off to a great start here, Angels And Airwaves. "Valkyrie Missile" opens & they may have invented a genre here. I don't know what you'd call it though. It's like trance guitar synth pop. Cross New Order, Underworld and U2. Very not bad. The singer's whiny emo voice removes any possibility of me wanting to hear this again though. And by the last song they just sound like Linkin Park playing Cure covers. Dire.


ANOUAR BRAHEM
LE VOYAGE DE SAHAR
Movie soundtrack? If not, then, finely detailed motifs using classical and French-sounding (whatever that means) instrumentation. Accordion, that's what that means. Moods, textures, weight.


AVANT
DIRECTOR
Pop R&B stuff. Why am I listening to this? "Grown Ass Man" is a good title for a song & a great title for a ballad! Well done him.

STAR

Oh man, this new Jesu track is awesome. "Star". It takes the Justin Broadrick thang in a different, unexpected direction. This sombitch is seven mins & change of moody, uptempo, atonal jangle rock! Clean guitars & holy fuck he sings it totally clean. It's like "Slateman" back in the day. That was my first Godflesh track, I could probably tell you the exact date I heard it. I know it was in April 1991, on a train, in England. On my Walkman. & from a covermount Earache Records sampler cassette. So there. Impact! "Star" sounds like Broadrick doing Ride. Nah, the drum machine bit sounds like Killing Joke or something. Which is well within bounds. This track rules.

Jesu - "Star"

Boiyoiyoiyoing.

AROUND

We got tickets for Zappa Plays Zappa in Detroit. I think it'll wind up pre-empting my other out of town concert plans for the summer. But it should be worth it. I'm no Zappaophile (or whatever the fanz call theyselves collectively) but I'm a casual fan. I know a couple of his albums. So it'll be cool to see live.



THE RADIO DEPT
PET GRIEF
Incredibly pleasant 80s inflected light & airy synth pop. That I like quite a lot apparently. "The Worst Taste in Music" is a good song title.

HEM
NO WORD FROM TOM
Pretty, country inflected, acoustic piano, violins, acoustic guitars, acoustic everything. Very traditional American songwriting type stuff. If Cowboy Junkies did a John Denver tribute.

KATAKLYSM
IN THE ARMS OF DEVASTATION
Brutal but melodic death metal. I wouldn't put it past them to use clean vocals though. It sounds like two singers. One has a lower scream growl & the other is higher, almost black metal-ish. Interesting counterpoint there. "The Road to Devastation" is the obligatory symphonic epic that rounds out the album.

BOB SINCLAIR
WESTERN DREAM
What a misleading set of titles. I wasn't expecting house music. Well done them. "Tennessee" sounds like Rinocerose with acoustic guitars. So, it's melodic & has nice beats. We may be on to something here. Or......not.

BUSTA RHYMES
PRELUDE TO THE BIG BANG EP
I loved the first few Busta albums. When he crammed about fifty million words into every verse. Now he just sounds like a hoarse version of everyone else. & his music was a lot crazier before. I wouldn't bother trying to blast this in my car. "Blow this Head Off" is cool, vocally, but the music is weak. The one with Sizzla might be cool. The tempos are too low. Get uptempo with it. & how many times is he going to use the apocalypse imagery. I wonder.

SAVES THE DAY
SOUND THE ALARM
Dude. When music is this formulaic I really need a stamp or something. It feels like they're just repeating everything that's ever been said & so maybe so should I. Whatever. Whiny new wavey pop punk with all the fun cooked out.


VAN HUNT
ON THE JUNGLE FLOOR
Technofied r&b. Slow jamz & everything.


PERPLEX
EXPRESSION
Dull, epic trance. I mean, it's probably fine in a club or on headphones or very loud in a car on the freeway late at night in the middle of the summer with all the windows open.

FROZEN MIST
FORESHADOWED
What the hell is this crap? And there's so much of it too. Okay. Weirdly sequenced drums & keys. Lame, badly recorded male & female vocals. And it just goes on forever. Or, I mean, it would if I hadn't already turned it off. Bleh, it just sounded so crap. Sorry, guys. I really am. I'm just not into it.

JOEY DEFRANCESCO
ORGANIC VIBES
Organ-ic Vibes, geddit? Because this album is a jazzy bunch of hammond organ/vibes/drum trio trax. And flute. Cool enough.

ORSON
BRIGHT IDEA
Proto-Charlatans? Nah. In spots, maybe. This just sounds like the UK Top 40 this week. In a bad way. David Gray meets Jamiroquoi meets Travis.

MONOTHEIST

It's probably been about 19 years since I was this excited about a new Celtic Frost album. We've followed the public gestation of 'monotheist' for the last five years. So. Useless initial reactions. Listening on headphones. It's a sunny spring morning so I'll do my best to block out the pleasantness.

CELTIC FROST
MONOTHEIST

Progeny - holy fuck, it's the return of Hellhammer. Nice tempo drop there.

Ground - there's already been two demo versions kicking around, so I kinda know this one. Somewhat. This version is more brutal & straightforward. The demo has double-bass throughout. Not so here. And the guitar solo is far more ethereal. It was already pretty ghouly.

A Dying God Coming Into Human Flesh - detuned clean guitar intro & high clean vocals sounds like Justin Broadrick's Jesu or Godflesh. The vibe continues when the spare drums & distorted bass kick in. Doom.

Drowning in Ashes - Pretty female vocals, distorted synth bass, ghouly guitar scratchings. Drums. Slow. Tom sings a monotone. Sounds like a corpulent duet.

Os Abysmi Vel Daath - Dark ambient feedback swells. Into another slow brutal chugger. A hua & the patented morbid Warrior voice. Sweet. Sounds like he's saying "and piss me off". Which is fine too.

Obscured - Slow, tribal drums & more Broadrick-ish guitar feedback strains. Then distorted bass & harmonized guitar join the drums. This is probably the bit that reminds people of Bauhaus. The drums kick in quietly & give it a bit of Godflesh too. Ah, & more female harmony vocals. The chorus sounds like My Dying Bride, sort of. Which is ass-backwards, I know. That's like saying Led Zeppelin sounds like Kingdom Come. Whatever. It's a gorgeous gothic doom ballad that builds & builds in scope until there's tympani & a smothering symphony.

My Domain Of Decay - Starts off with a slow chugging riff in swing time. & keeps going with it. I hate to keep beating on the Broadrick thing, but...

Ain Elohim - This'll be the uptempo thrasher then. Mostly.

Incantation Against - gregorian chanty vox with warbly female voice on top. Beautiful.

Synoagoga Satanae - Epic. Dark moodiness builds to a slow symphonic pace. Ooh, that doom break in the middle reminds me of Cathedral.

Winter (Requiem) - Pure symphonic darkness. Great way to end the album.

PAMPARIUS

ARCTIC MONKEYS
WHO THE FUCK ARE ARCTIC MONKEYS EP
Amusing, snotty guitar pop. Tunes, swearing. I approve.



EDGEWATER
WE'RE NOT ROBOTS
Nice set-up with that album title. Because y'know obviously now I'm inclined to say that the rest of the title should've been 'but we might as well be'. So, thanks for that. What is this? Downtuned indie rock death metal. Ya get me? Remember when I used to say wake me up when death metal dudes & Cure fans discover each other? & how I used to think that would be a good thing.


D.A.D.
SCARE YOURSELF
Melodic hard rock pop.

DOG FASHION DISCO
ADULTERY
Emo metal. Did he just say the power of chrysler can help you? This stuff would rock way more without the obnoxiously over the top production. Okay, your record label spent a lot of money on this, I get it.

KIRA AND THE KINDRED SPIRITS
KIRA AND THE KINDRED SPIRITS
Is this the chick that was in Black Flag? She sounds young. Only joking. Singer songwriter type thing. You know what I'm getting at.


NARNIA
ENTER THE GATE
Enter the gate? High-pitched clean vocals over early 80s influenced keyboard pop metal. Got it? Journey crossed with, uh, Iron Maiden.

IAN GILLAN
His voice doesn't appear to have changed at all. Ever. Neat. I think this is the one where he redoes a bunch of his old stuff. "Trashed" is the only one I ever got into, thanks to the video being played on the first few runs of Dee Snider's Heavy Metal Mania on MTV back in...oh, 1804? Gillan was with Black Sabbath for about 14 seconds. Long enough to make a video for this song. Which also included the drummer from ELO if I'm not mistaken. And I'm not. Just as a sidebar, what's the point of a solo album that sounds exactly like the main band?

PAUL MOTIAN
GARDEN OF EDEN
Cool jazz lives. My Berklee teachers would be elated.

SKIN
FAKE CHEMICAL STATE
Quite basic pop rock with distorted guitars. The first song sounds like Jesus & Mary Chain. Maybe the whole thing is like that. It's pleasant enough.

THE VINES
VISION VALLEY
Damn, it sounds like these guys calmed down a bit. Maybe they finally got some pubes & slowed down. They useta be screamy guitar pop. Now they're just guitar pop.

SQUOOSH

PIA FRAUS
NATURE HEART SOFTWARE
Mm, delectable isn't a word I often use to describe music. But: delectable. Kinda like Stereolab, only just a tiny bit darker. So, dark pink instead of neon fuschia. Shiny, weavy, intricate indie guitar pop with smooooooooooooooth female vocals. When 4AD useta be good they put out stuff like this all the time. Sigh.

LOBBY

ANGERFIST
PISSIN RAZORBLADEZ
Isn't this what the 'bad' priest blasts on Father Ted?

BANAROO
AMAZING
Ace of fucking Base.

CAROLINE
CAROLINE
Ace of fucking Base.

ELTON D
GET POINTS EP
Dishy trance.

ARCHIE BRONSON OUTFIT
DERDANG DERDANG
How fucking original. Franz Ferdinand minus the White Stripes.

DRESDEN DOLLS
YES, VIRGINIA
Neato. Drums piano chick singer who sings like Morrissey.

GHOSTFACE KILLAH
FISHSCALE
I didn't realize they still made albums like this. Hm. Take out the skits & you'd probably have an EP.

I GOT YOU ON TAPE
I GOT YOU ON TAPE
Flaming Lips.

INVISIBLE SESSION
TO THE POWERFUL
Vocal jazz, eeuw.

IRON FIRE
REVENGE
Is it a full-album cover version of the KISS album of the same name? No? Then I don't care. Whoa, 80s style euro power metal, complete with high-voiced singer who goes "aaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaahhh!!!!!" It's weird that this style is still so prevalent.

LANTERNA
DESERT OCEAN
Talk Talk-y atmospheric instrumental rock music stuff thing.

MADS LANGER
ATTENTION PLEASE
Who's the gay dude with the famous dad singer songwriter whose name I can't recall right now? Him.

MAROON
WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE
Starts off solidly enough, with a brutal, chugging riff & scowly vocals. But then the guy's voice goes up in pitch. Guitar solo. Let's wait & see what happens here. "Wake Up in Hell" almost goes there with the melodic clean vocals, but not quite. So, I don't know.

MATES OF STATE
BRING IT BACK
Synthy, live drums, multiple vocalists. Might be cool. Might be a big pile of pretentious wank, it's too soon to tell.

O.S.I.
FREE
Not nearly as irritating as I assumed.

PEOPLE IN PLANES
AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE
Weird. Bashy prog pop rock guitar ordeal. Ah: Built To Spill.

PINK
I'M NOT DEAD
Dude. Right on to the one about the president before it turns self-righteous. & she can sing. She's no Cathy Dennis but who is anymore.

THE ROGERS SISTERS
THE INVISIBLE DECK
Silly pop rock like, I don't know, the Killers or something.

ROSANNE CASH
BLACK CADILLAC
So, does she get a free car for using that album title?

SWEETBOX
ADDICTED
Sounds like Britney Spears to me. Like I fuckin' know.

T.I.
KING
Uh.

TALK DEMONIC
BEAT ROMANTIC
Weird-ass folktronica. With piles of live instruments - including banjo. Everything fucked-wit on a computer at some point.

THE STREETS
THE HARDEST WAY TO MAKE AN EASY LIVING
Probably a lot of fun to listen to. Once.

THE SWORD
AGE OF WINTERS
Jesus, that's heavy. The hundredth coming of doom. Sure, but still. That shit is heavy.

THE FEVER
MINOTAUR EP
Nice. Uptempo keyboard/drums/vocals 'weirdness'. It's not that weird, it is just pop music after all.

THE LIKE YOUNG
LAST SECRETS
The Doves without the choruses.

THE ZUTONS
TIRED OF HANGIN' AROUND
Filling the void left by Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Trying to anyway.

TOTO
FALLING IN BETWEEN
Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa. Ha. Toto. This must be their metal record. How bizarre. Why even call it Toto then. Oh, wait: the Toto part of the song. That's really strange, talk about bipolar beef. "Taint Your World" sounds like old Van Halen. "Let it Go" sounds like old Toto. So...you figure it out. Or not, it is only Toto.


YAK BALLZ
SCIFENTOLOGY
Awwww, they're gonna get in trouble...

SOUND

I think I really fuckin' dig The Sound. 'From the Lion's Mouth', 1981. Sounds like a new release. Adrian Borland, right? Killed himself. All that. I only know about him via Mark Burgess. & this album sounds like a cross between Chameleons & Comsat Angels. Which, to most people, those two bands are probably interchangable anyway. It's gloomy guitar rock. Probably adored by a select few oldtime crossover g0ths. Which woulda been me except I was never a g0th, was I. & now there's a whole strain of 'indie' 'alternative' bands that sound exactly like The Sound.

DEVICE

ANDERS MANGA
LEFT OF AN ALL-TIME LOW
"This Circle" sure as hell sounds like "Head Like a Hole". "Empire of the Sun" sounds like some other Nine Inch Nails track that I can't place. Or even more recent Numan. Is this guy popular? This is kind of like aggressive synth pop trying to make a comeback, only it was never that popular to begin with.

BAND OF HORSES
EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME
The first song, "The First Song" begins prettily enough with piano, guitar, drums, bass, whatever. High voiced Perry Farrell clone on the mic. Not bad. Etc.

BE YOUR OWN PET
BE YOUR OWN PET
Short, snappy, aggressive guitar/drum pop songs. 15 tracks in 33 minutes. If it's a race, they will win. Foul moothed girl singer. Nice. Very nice. "We Will Vacation, You Can Be My Parasol". Sure, why the hell not. I mean, the guitar/drums thing is still hott, I guess. If it ever was. And some are convinced that it was. Though some of us are still unsure.

BLACKMORE'S NIGHT
VILLAGE LANTERNE
Sounds like ole Blackmore discovered Dead Can Dance, Evanescence and Riverdance on the same day. & got so excited he had to grow a moustache & form a band. Sure, okay. And blows the dust off "Street of Dreams" & even gets ole Joe Lynn Turner onboard.

CAEDMON'S CALL
In The Company Of Angels II: The World Will Sing
He mentions god in the first line, is this supposed to be a trick? It is.

CANNIBAL CORPSE
KILL
The song titles tell the whole story here. And I still love Cannibal Corpse even though I've never really listened to them & I don't know shit about them. I don't care. I just love the fact that they still exist on the same plane. "Five Nails through the Neck". "Submerged in Boiling Flesh". And you can't understand the singer, so that's even cooler with me.

CESIUM 137
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
I wonder what Caedmon's Call would say to the title of this album of ghey 4-on-the-floo trance pop.

DONALD FAGEN
MORPH THE CAT
'morph' the cat, huh. Seriously? I'm supposed to listen to 52 minutes centered on that concept. 'morph' the fucking cat? I liked that one song of Fagen's that was on MTV back in like 1982 that showed everyone running down to a fallout shelter in their backyard. "H Gang" kind of reminds me of that. I'm someone who was turned off Steely Dan & all their permutations forever by classic rock radio. So, sorry. 'morph' the cat. Dude.

DRYLINE
REACH FOR THE SURFACE
Consistently brutal, melodic death metal. I kept waiting for the wimpy clean vocals to kick in & ruin everything. Oh, wait. There they are. Fucking.

EMBRACE
THIS NEW DAY
Sounds like they wanna be U2 &/or Coldplay. ie big budget guitar piano drums poprock.

ENSLAVED
RUUN
Nicely melodic black metal. & the keyboardist uses a Hammond organ tone too in addition to the usual pipe organs & orchestra patches.

GOMEZ
HOW WE OPERATE
I don't know, it's not bad but it also just played for several minutes without making any impression whatsoever.

IN STRICT CONFIDENCE
WHERE SUN AND MOON UNITE EP
Genderly integrated synth pop from the old school of ....Xymox. Y'know, back when synth pop could still be a little dark without being morbid. That sounds like a compliment. I must be enjoying this. Even though if I tried to describe it I would say that the chix's voice sounds like Ace of Base. & at 54 minutes this is one long fucking EP. (though not the longest, I think Scorn might still hold the 'record' at 74 minutes).

KRISIUN
ASSASSINATION
Fucking shit, man! The opening riff to "Bloodcraft" sounds like a bunch of machine guns going off at the same time. For a long time. Nice. So it's like super prog death metal. I wonder why there isn't more of this kind of thing. 'snice. "Suicidal Savagery". I don't what that means. "Summon" = 49 seconds of bongos. Hell yes. This is what metal should be. Scary, tight as fuck and not a keyboard in sight. "Sweet Revenge" ... 'hello, victims'. Yeeeehaaghhghgh.

LITTLE WILLIES
LITTLE WILLIES
Okay, this is just fucking weird. "Roly Poly" sounds like Frank Zappa & Duane Allman playing the 'oh brother where art thou' soundtrack. Which means, yep, very annoying. "Lou Reed".

MARCEL COENEN
COLOUR JOURNEY
Ah, fake Yngwie/Satriani/Vai type shit. Dream Theater, that kind of thing. Hard rockin', but with better guitar solos & little prog bits scattered around the place. Not bad.


NERVE FILTER
LINEAR
Like an aggressive combination of Chemical Bros & Underworld? Orbital too. & new Skinny Puppy, but not so much. Dark dance music.

ROB ZOMBIE
EDUCATED HORSES
I think the last thing of Zombie's I heard was that 'deathride 69' or whateverthefuckitwas, in about 1892. Again, you'd know more about this than I do. His voice is waaaay out front. The songs are all kinda like you've heard 'em before somewhere but you can't place where. Marilyn Manson crossed with Cathedral.

SICK OF IT ALL
DEATH TO TYRANTS
Oh my god. "Machete" kix in all brutal as fuck. Distorted bass, screaming, blast beat fills. I betcha it slows down & he starts crooning any second now. Ha. Nah. I saw these guys opening for Napalm Death in 1991 or so. It struck me as odd that shorthaired dudes would ever want to rock so hard. & now of course everyone has short hair & everyone wants to rock this hard.

SO THEY SAY
ANTIDOTE FOR IRONY
I don't know, I think there's a fresh glut of bands with prepositional phrases for names & 'quirky' 'ironic' album titles. And I don't mean to sound like a fuckin' fossil, but they're pretty much interchangable, aren't they. And I'll give you a dollar if you can tell me how this band is any different from anything else that's out right now. It's like in the 80s there was a bunch of faceless hair metal. In the 90s it was meaningless grunge. Now...this.

STEREOLAB
FAB FOUR SUTURE
Well, it is Stereolab, so that should tell you something. No, that should tell you everything. Gorgeous experimental quirky sexy pop with female singing & synths & live everything. & still perfect sunny day music. "Excursions in 'oh, a-oh'".."Widow Weirdo".

TAPES 'N TAPES
THE LOON
Mm. Semi-involved alternapoprock. So I'll say Flaming Lips.

TEARS FOR FEARS
SECRET WORLD
10 live trax from the comeback tour & two new studio ones. I loathed the comeback album at first but calmed down & accepted its beauty eventually. Then I forgot about it completely. So I can revisit the trax with freshie ears. This is mostly 'greatest hits live' but they do a big batch of newer shit too. The studio stuff is in line with everything else. Beatle-y as dick.

BLOODHOUND
NOSFERATU
Wow, I didn't think this kind of thing existed anymore. Dark but cool hard rock metal. Euro, obviously. Kinda Maidenish & the singer sounds like Jeff Scott Soto or the other dude who sang on the early Yngwie albums.

TEARS OF ANGER
IN THE SHADOWS
Modern metaltronica. Maybe more on the Queensryche end of things. With the occasional downtuned riff. Oddly enjoyable.

DRUDKH
BLOOD IN OUR WELLS
Long songs, lots of screaming, badly-recorded drums. Borderline racist song titles. Must be brutal black metal then.

STEVE KAHN
THE GREEN FIELD
Fucking nice guitar/bass/drums jazz trio.

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
THE GOODNIGHT MOON
I don't know, I think there's a fresh glut of bands with prepositional phrases for names & 'quirky' 'ironic' album titles. And I don't mean to sound like a fuckin' fossil, but they're pretty much interchangable, aren't they. And I'll give you a dollar if you can tell me how this band is any different from anything else that's out right now. It's like in the 80s there was a bunch of faceless hair metal. In the 90s it was meaningless grunge. Now...this.

THE LIVING END
STATE OF EMERGENCY
Fake Foo Fighters.

THE VINES
VISION VALLEY
Hm. Catchy & cacky riff-rock. "Futuretarded". And "Atmos", hey, they stole my word. Which I stole from Rik & Ade on 'Bottom'.

TRAIN
FOR ME IT'S YOU
Hasn't their record deal run out yet?

VAN MORRISON
PAY THE DEVIL
I've never had a Van Morrison phase. And I stand by that decision. I mean, isn't this guy known more for his songwriting than his country & western crooning? Does he think he's Lyle Lovett now?

VAARTINA
MIERO
Now you're talkin'. This shit is just weird. I love it. It reminds me of that Miranda Sex Garden EP when they came back as, like, a full band. That was the shit. Vaartina is the shit too. The vocals sound like the Bulgarian Women's Choir. Actually this sounds like a rock band version of Le Mystere de Voix Bulgares. So..fuck yeah.

VREID
PITCH BLACK BRIGADE
"Då Draumen Rakna" opens & it's just ungodly, brutal, deathly black metal. Hence my erecti0n. Yeah, I dig it.

WILDERNESS
VESSEL STATES
Squawky clean guitars, the singer sounds like he's kidding with his two-note range. Sounds like rock-band improv. So I'll say Tool.

WINTERS BANE
Redivivus
More of the euro hard rock metal guitar band stuff with the Maiden vocals. Not bad for what it is but I'd probably only listen to it to make fun of the singer.

ZYKLON
DISINTEGRATE
Hmm. It'd be ignorant for me to say that it sounds like Emperor, since this band includes Emperor peeps. But guess what.