INSIDE

AS FAST AS
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DAMNED
Open letter to Garth Brooks & The Offspring, more like. Let's leave The Damned out of it, shall we?

BEAUTIFUL SOUTH
SUPERBI
Has this band always been country? No, that can't be. Their early videos weren't nearly this dire. Is this shit popular in England? I'm really confused by this album. But, not, like, enough to look up any of this stuff. You do it for me. & I don't know what these guys are playing at, but country music is not cool in any context, ever. "Manchester" isn't country, it's a bit Smiths, innit. Is Paul Leave The Heat-on's Morrissey impression intentional? "There is Song" is back to the country. All right. Fuck this shit. "Never Lost a Chicken to a Fox" sounds like Primal Scream doing a Mel Tillis cover.

BORIS
PINK
Some things are impossible not to love. I fear Boris is one of them. Skudge rowk. Fudge Tunnel times Tad plus the Nuge. In a good way.

EVERY MOVE A PICTURE
HEART WEAPON
That's well weapon. Sounds like the guitarist from A Flock of Seagulls with Duran Duran's rhythm section, the keyboard chick in the Billy Idol video and.... some dude singing. It's not bad. I expected the worst with that horrible band name.

FLUTTR EFFECT
SWALLOWS AND SPARROWS
"Tarantula" is mostly ambient layering of female vocals... followed by cello? & vibes beneath some Tori Amos-ish emoting. "Transmission" too. "Swallows and Sparrows" sounds like a lost Enya/Lisa Gerrard jam, in a bad way. I mean, ehhhhhhh, it's not horrible.

GNARLS BARKLEY
ST ELSEWHERE
Kinda stupid, kinda funny, fun to listen to. Filling the void left by Outkast. Hip hop soul kinda thing with samples & big beats. "Crazy", obviously, if you're outside the US. I don't know if this thing was even released here. Maybe it's a delayed reaction. Couple of doomy ballads. It's fun.

LACUNA COIL
KARMACODE
10-15 years ago I would've been thrilled to know that metal, goth and synth pop would someday merge and take over the world. Too bad the reality is so fucking boring.

LAMBCHOP
THE DECLINE OF COUNTRY AND WESTERN CIVILIZATION
Good god, cool it with the snarky titles already. And I say that as a snarky fanatic. "Soaky in the Pooper" opens. Nice name for a ballad. "Two Kittens Don't Make a Puppy"... "Moody Fucker'.... "Loretta Lung".... "I Can Hardly Spell My Name". "Playboy, the Shit". "Two Kittens" starts with a long, effected, layered solo saxophone thing, followed by a little big-beat. So, Flaming Lips, yes, obviously.

PANZER AG
YOUR WORLD IS BURNING
Marilyn Manson. Big time.

SNOG VS. THE FAECAL JUGGERNAUT OF MASS CULTURE
SYNTHETIC MELODIES OF RESISTANCE
I have low expectations of post-everything dark synth pop, since the majority of today's practitioners favor stale style over substance. Not so with Snog, et al. They have gurgling synths & choons in equal measure. So, yay. "Crash Crash" fits nicely in a mixtape situation.

STAINLESS
TWO FACES
High voiced indie rocker dude. The music is bleahy indie rock too. They merge and.... nothing. Not a thing.

THE TERRIBLE TWOS
IF YOU EVER SEE AN OWL
Whoever said it was time for a Toad The Wet Sprocket revival should be forced to listen to this horseshit forever & ever & ever & ever. It sucks when dudes attempt to dabble in Bjorkish cuteness with songs about bugs, numbers, dinosaurs, math & chocolate milk. It just doesn't work. At all. In any context.