APPETITE

dammit, I got shnookered by this bogus 'lost 1998 album' by Dead Can Dance. It's...not them. Or is it? It sure as hell sounds like the music could be them. The singing definitely isn't them. So, what the hell. I thought I was onto something hotttt there, first thing. Now, nada.

DEVIN TOWNSEND BAND
Synchrestra


I guess this is what happens when a 'metal dude' wants to do something different. He alienates everyone. I dunno. It's not horrible, there are neat riffs 'n' shit in spots. And some of the clean/alternately-tuned guitar stuff is okayish. But in the end it sounds like a violent and pointless collision between the new age and death metal genres. Which, usually I'm all for violent and pointless collisions. Lots of pianos and strings. Uh-oh, "Babysong". The name alone should be enough of a clue. It sounds like either he just got married or he just had a kid and now he's trying to write heavy metal lullabies... or, I know, something 'pretty'. Eugh. Then "Vampolka" = 90 seconds of bogus oompah. Then "Vampira", more of the same, but with singing. I don't know.


MUSLIMGAUZE
Speaker of Turkish

Minimal electronic beats with effects and sampled native music instruments with names I can't spell let alone pronounce. I have to tread very carefully when describing things from cultures I'm not conversant with. There are a few sizzly samples fading in & out across the stereo spectrum. "Bedouin Tablet" is 16 minutes of calm abuse. Easy listening but not. "The Good Muslim (reprise)" is another almost ten minutes of the same.


NORFOLK & WESTERN
A Gilded Age

Well, I like the band name and the album title, so that's two points right off the bat. Track one, "Porch Destruction" - another good title, and a slow, quiet fade-in with strings and acoustic guitar. Ooh, light drums. This could be great. It could still all go pear-shaped too though. Violin. There's the singer's voice. Uh oh. Light upper ranged dude with harrrrd Amerrrrican accent. The music is nice, so nice. The chorus is okay, joined by a female vocalist. And then it rocks quietly with distorted guitar and the strings go all swoony. Heh, "Porch Destruction", that's funny. It's funny because it's irrelevant and unexpected. Blistered distorto guitar solo. "A Gilded Age" gets down with a wimpy but able groove and...is that a banjo? Are you fuckers taking the piss? BANJO? I think it is. But it's not bad. I'm shocked. I'm shocked that there's a banjo coming out of the speakers and I'm still listening to it. This track is way uptempo, still using strings and the eventual blistering distortated guitar solo. Offset by more fuckin' banjo. The drums and bass are off in disco-land. This is the track. Oh shit, steel guitar too. Wimpy disco rock with banjo and pedal steel guitar, you've got to be shitting me. Etc.


EDGUY
Rocket Ride

I think this may be a Euro pop-metal band. Bear in mind that pop-metal no longer means Winger. Nice pianos and analog synth line on the 8-min opener, "Sacrifice". Dynamics. The singer sounds like every other metal singer. Maybe it does mean Winger after all. And "Rocket Ride" isn't a KISS cover, which is the only thing I wanted to know. "Fucking With Fire (Hair Force One)" is a pure 80s throwback, not in a good way.



GRANDADDY
Just Like the Fambly Cat

Hm,piano, lo-fi little-kid-voice at the beginning. "What Happened?" Then "Jeez Louise" rox like a regular rock band. Maybe it rox more than regular, what's the benchmark anymore? The excessive vocal harmonies get on my tits pretty quickly, but the rest isn't bad. I guess that's the deal.


INDEX AI
World Blade Center

Hm, neither dancey techno nor techno-pop. The singer dude kinda raps in a way, not unlike yer favorite early 1990s Wax Trax recs. Personally it gets on my nerves after the first song. The music has a lot of potential - dancefloor and otherwise - but it's compromised by the monotonous vocalage. But that's just me. You might hear this and be like it's the second coming of the second coming of the second coming of Bill Leeb and Gary Numans' gay fuck love child's second coming.